Lisa

Lisa


Lisa invited me to see Tangled, in the movie theatre that was shortly shut down by the fire department for code violations. When we met up, she looked lovely- about 5’3”, wearing a green paisley dress showing an impressive amount of cleavage. We got our popcorn and disgustingly sugary sodas, and took our seats, along with eight other people, in a theatre extra-dimly lit because many of the bulbs were burn out.


The trailers began, probably for other Disney movies. I took a bite of stale popcorn. Yuck. I took a sip of coke and it was totally flat. Yuck. I ask Lisa to taste her diet soda and it’s… awful. She shrugged. “I just want to enjoy my snacks and the movie.’

I smile. At least I’m with a pretty girl. 

‘Oh my god…’ we hear from the projection booth. ‘Holy shit… WHAT THE FUCK!’ Click. Movie shuts off, leaving all ten of us in awkward silence. 

A few minutes later the few remaining lights come on and a pimples-faced usher entered, informing us there would be a slight 5-10 minute delay. I turn to Lisa. “What you wanna bet they won’t have things up and running in 5-10 minutes?’

She arched an eyebrow. “Why do you say that?”

‘Well, I worked in a movie theatre, and I can tell you anything that elicits the reaction ‘oh my god, holy shit, what the fuck,’ is outside their pay grade. She shrugs, taking a sip of her flat soda, and a bite of stale popcorn. ‘I’ll be right back,’ I whisper in the silence, taking both drinks back to the concession stand. ‘I think you’re out of CO2’, I say.

The kid shrugs. ‘Yeah sorry, it ran out.’

…Can you replace it?’ 

‘We uh… don’t know how.’

“Want me to do it? I used to work in a theatre, I could do it in my sleep.”

“Sorry sir, that’s against policy, but here’s a $25 voucher for each combo.’

I head to the ushers, huddled in a dark corner. ‘So… what’s going on?’

The pimple-faced kid frowned. ‘Well, sir…’

‘Let me guess, not going to be up and running in five to ten minutes?’

‘Well, no…’

‘What happened?’

‘Well, I don’t know if I should tell you this but… the projectionist was changing the reels and his hand got caught in the projector.’

My eyes widen, thinking of the massive teeth of the film projectors. ‘Wow,’ I whisper.

‘We had to call an ambulance,’ he says.

‘…ambulance?’

‘There was blood everywhere.’

‘… everywhere?’

I return to my seat. Lisa looks at me patiently.

‘Do you want the good news first,’ I say,’ the bad news, or the really bad news?’

Her eyes widen. ‘Good?’

I flash the $25 vouchers and give her one. ‘Cool!’ She says, as I look at her expectantly.’ Bad?’

‘They ran out of CO2 and they have more, but they don’t know how to change it and they won’t let me do it even thought I know how.’

‘Oh…’ she mumbled. ‘Um… very bad?’

‘The projectionist got their hand caught in the projector.’

‘Holy shit.’

‘They had to go to the hospital.’ 

‘…hospital?’

‘There was blood everywhere.’

‘…everywhere?’

The pimple-faced kid entered the theatre. ‘Excuse me ladies and gentleman, I regret to inform you…'


The end.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Consortium

  The Consortium This morning I hoped everything would be back to normal, but they were still here. Those unspeakably huge metal spheres still lit the sky, like miniature suns, spreading evenly to the distant horizon. They ‘said’ they came in peace, they ‘said’ they were here to help, but I didn’t call it help when they conscripted my brother to work at the grain farm. Sure, they had ended starvation, they fed the hungry, but at what cost? Now there were millions more brains that needed to be engaged now that their mouths no longer needed to be fed. Do they plan to feed the whole solar system, now that we know it isn’t as empty as we always thought? Maybe so, maybe so… I guess it is strange that earthly grains are all the rage- just like any cycle of commerce, it’s all about supply and demand. The other planets demand our wheat, barley and rice, and our overlords promise to supply it, whatever the cost to our freedom.  The last time I talked to Roger, he said the aliens treate
Read more

The Disappearing Turtle

The Disappearing Turtle When I was six years old, my neighbour gave me a turtle. I can’t remember which neighbour, but I’m very grateful, as he was the BEST pet, and I will give you a few reasons why. They have a life expectancy of 30+ years, so you likely won’t be going through many turtles in your lifetime. They are super low maintenance, as long as you feed them in a bucket, and leave them in the bucket long enough to do their business. Finally, they teach you the importance of good hygiene, because they can carry salmonella so you need to wash your hands thoroughly whenever you touch them.  When I was eight or nine, the turtle vanished! We had him out walking around, as we normally did when we were home- he maybe have been running around with my guinea pig, who he got along very well with… so how does a turtle just disappear? A week passes. I’m in the basement, about as dark and gloomy as I was feeling, when I heard a faint scratching, and found the turtle wedged between a baseboar
Read more

Secrets

Secrets I don’t say this often, but the date was off to a great start. After a particularly depressing dry spell of about two years, here I was, sitting across from Summer, a girl WAY out of my league. Her jeans were tight in all my favorite places, as was her white tank top. Her skin was light brown, light milk chocolate. ‘I think we should share secrets,’ she said about five minutes in to our date. We were at Tipsy’s, the only bar in town with a dart board, and a bewildering collection of board games. ‘You go first,’ she said’ I took a sip from my first pint, and glanced at her nearly empty double. Sailor Jerry’s, Amaretto and Orange Juice. Try it and you’ll probably love it… until you don’t. ‘Ok,’ I said slowly. ‘I like… smoking weed?’ She smiled at her, her beautiful eyes like a kaleidoscope of brown, starting to show the light glaze that accompanies drinking a double in five generous sips. Her lips looked so soft and… shiny. ‘Wow,’ she said with either nervousness or well-faked s
Read more